The 14 years of blessings and more

Dear Father, 

Thank you for your abundant blessings in my life. 
On the 14th of my wedding anniversary, I recall you who watch over every step of my journey. 
I want to praise and honor you by remembering what you have done.  
I pray that let your way first, not my way first, in my life.   

I pray in Jesus' name. 

 Amen. 

1. From Korea, 

You rescued me from Korea. I was beaten up by the harshness of that society and situation. At the age of 37, I was kicked away, together with age barriers, and could not get a secure job. There was no spare room to think about the future, like marriage, at all. When I heard bad news about my family members, my heart was on the edge of a cliff and at the rock bottom of darkness. How much fluttered my legs, I cannot over all waves but drifted away further and further from the simple happiness which I dreamt. There was no way out in my life. 

I cried out to you. "What did I do so wrong to you? Is that whose fault? You know, I struggled to keep the faith. If you don't want to bless me, at least let me die peacefully." Put away you and indulged myself, but all I have left in me was covered with a sinful nature, which cannot even think to clean. I cannot help myself. 

You make me write 10 thanks topics a day. How hard it was to squeeze out topics every time, even carrying the note and pen all the time. Slowly, I surrendered to you; your way is better. You know better than me. Your grace is much better than my struggles to obtain for myself. 

You introduced me to the foreign girl out of nowhere. It amazed me how she decided to marry who does not know. Also, you gave serenity to me, who normally does not even want to go to a restaurant, and worries about my wrong choice. I am not an adventurous person. I have never been out of Korea before. But I was going to marry a foreign girl and live in outside of Korea suddenly. Only one thing I held, You know better than me. I wrapped up my whole life in Korea so gracefully by visiting every person I wanted to meet before I left.  

 

2. Stopover in Canada... 

One thing I worried about was the cold weather in Toronto, Canada. That much, surprisingly, I was at peace. It was not normal for me. You took away all unnecessary thoughts and worries, which can make me anxious. At my twin sister-in-law's and her fiancée's wedding, I was the one who took over half of their wedding as the fiancée of her twin sister. I was also amazed by their faith in letting me be there on their best day, without knowing me, without asking anything. I have a great debt of love from them which I cannot repay. Today, as in 14th our wedding anniversary, without their faith and sacrificial love, our family cannot start. I am so happy to celebrate together who share the same day as my sister-in-law's birthday and wedding anniversary until you call in there. 

Not only them, my parents-in-law, two brothers-in-law and their family members also welcomed me at their places, a foreign man from Korea. Even though my wife has a health issue, she got pregnant, and we got a son even before 1year passed in Canada.  

As an immigrant, getting a job was not easy. I applied to many places after I got a work visa, but I had a hard to get a chance to interview, except for one time. I planned to go to nursing school, but I need to get OSSD with Math 12 and some other credits, which I don't have. I started adult high school classes, including Math 3. Math was my long-time enemy from Korea. I did many extra classes, including private lessons for math, but I was a math idiot in Korea. I gave up math totally. However, in Canada, I skipped several grades of Math, and I was even called "Math Genius" by my teacher and classmates, which erased my long-standing shame.

 To improve my English, I even went to an evening class where my wife packed not only lunch but also dinner. Not only adapting in Canada, stress from classes, unclear future and miscommunication with wife, I also got depressed and took antidepressants for 2 years. I even stopped coming to church for a while. I felt so lonely even though I have a wife and a son. However, prayers from church members and Your grace and another undeniable blessing, I came back to you again. The blessing was a house which I longed for so much from my young age, but I dared not dream. It was not possible if it came from our plan, but suddenly, it happened quickly, by You. Through these experiences, I really surrender again to You, You know better than I, and Your love is much greater than I could ask. I found the ways to get the OSSD quickly with credits.  

 

3. Job, the longest struggle. 

While I was hesitant to start the pressure of nursing study, I changed to the PSW course, which allows me to quickly jump into a job. After completing the course, I don’t want to start the agency, but would be directly hired from hospitals. I asked my wife to wait for me to focus on applying for jobs. I made routines to apply and put records each day where I applied because it may not be quick to get, as I experienced throughout my life. Getting a stable job was the first and longest prayer of my life. From Korea to Canada, I applied for countless jobs, worked and left. There were also so many places that just exploit people who are desperate. I thank her who patiently waited for me, a jobless husband for 6 years, as she does all makes money and takes care of the son and housework. Definitely, she is a woman of faith who decided to marry the man who does not know her well, who does not have money, a job, or social skills.  

By your grace, much earlier than I expected, I got a reply, which was the first PSW job I applied. It does not take even 2 weeks, which I started to apply earnestly. Not only PSW jobs, but I also tried to apply for every job I think I can do, like cleaner, porter and U of T, YMCA, etc. I got the interview for that PSW position, but I still applied here and there until I got the final notice of being hired, which took one and a half months more. It was a casual position when I was hired, but I got a call to upgrade to a permanent part-time position even before I started, just before Christmas. The joy was overflowing in my life.  

However, on the first day of work, I was late because of a transit issue, even though I left home 3 hours earlier, which normally takes 2 hours. The workload was crazily busy and heavy. That 2 and a half years were the most stressful days in my life. There was no peace in my heart. Every morning, I have to pray to protect my day, for transit, nurses, and coworkers. Only by God's mercy could I not give up. I tried a lot to move the job, but I cannot. I surrendered to you, again, "You know I struggle a lot with this job. I tried so hard, but you did not give other job. Yes. You know better than I. You have reason to stay in this job. Please, give me the strength until I bear the fruit you want me to have through this job."  

About 6 months later, I transferred to a different hospital as a full-time employee with a similar position. I even cried to get away from the place, finally. Not many days passed, and I noticed this new position was also heavy and hard to work. However, I consoled myself by thinking, ‘Here is better than before.‘ Kept apply to other positions for 3 years, and I got the current position, which is not that heavy, not that busy and with a good manager and environment. 3 months later, I was still thankful to have this job. You finally put me in a position where I can be satisfied. Now I have been working for 2 years in this job, and I am still thankful to work. Is that because I know the worst places to work? Still, there are issues of working on Sunday or needing to do night shift, but I even think I can work this position until I retire.  

At around 18 years old, when I began working part-time as a kitchenware seller for the first time, I kept working to support myself with countless daily or part-time jobs. After graduation, I also kept applying and changed jobs in Korea. Yes, this is not a high-paying job, not an easy job. But I can earn enough for my family to handle the workload and stress at the age of 48.   

 

4. Health problem, the hope for resurrection. 

I was injured twice during 5 years of work in a hospital, which also caused me to develop an illness. Some pains and uncomfortableness does not disappear 100%. Last November, without certain causes, I felt excruciating pain in my shoulder blade. I cannot lie down to sleep because of pain. Even though I took codeine, which is an opioid. Too painful, I went to the emergency and got a pain shot. Surprisingly, my heart was quite peaceful, even though there was pain. I am not afraid of whatever serious illness turns out. No regrets left in my life. Because your grace wiped away all tears, restored and fulfilled all my desires, which was simple happiness. Struggles of daily living with pain meds and checkups, without specific reasons, were not easy. I really felt my wife’s love for me during this suffering. By Your grace, I was under short-term disability, and after 3 months had passed, my condition had improved with physiotherapy and I returned to work. Now I assume the illness and reasons, but there was no specific treatment except for what I had. Now around 90% ok. More and more, health issues will come in my life; however, my hope will grow stronger and stronger toward the glorious resurrection body which you will give me one day.  

 

5. Family, the companions to the end. 

My wife said that, through our marriage, she had changed a lot. Without questioning, I would dare not decide to marry a foreign guy whom I don't know much, who has nothing, if I were her.   

During our marriage, she bore all troubles in front of our family, patiently, mostly due to the weaknesses of her husband. She was the bread-winner for 6 years alone, still packs my food for my work. Totally different environments for 30 years, suddenly, living together, it was really hard to understand each other. We fought a lot. I took an antidepressant and went to counselling also. However, our son was a knot to hold us together again. Around 3years passed, we gave up our demands to others, having compassion to other and then our love grows. Now, my son is a teenager. He saw all the weaknesses of parents. I pray he may accept Jesus as a saviour in his heart one day. Pray and encourage together in faith.  

For 14 years, we had many precious memories in photos. Whenever I saw them, even though there were so many troubles, your grace was more with every step in our lives. Today, I was angry with my precious wife. Still, I am immature. I cannot catch up with her love for her hopeless husband. Please, pray for me, I may be humble and gentle, like my Lord, Jesus.   

   

One word: Thank You, and more thanks to You.